There can be only one permanent revolution — a moral one; the regeneration of the inner man. How is this revolution to take place? Nobody knows how it will take place in humanity, but every man feels it clearly in himself. And yet in our world everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing himself.
— Leo Tolstoy
Welcome to my long blog series on how to be a good person. Over time I’ll add more posts, but I’ve listed what’s published so far, and it’s a good start.
I broke the series into four sections:
Stop controlling others
- Boundaries made simple
- Rules for respect
- Stop making passive-aggressive demands
- Should we reserve icu beds for folks who wear masks?
- Grocery shopping with cousin joe
Stop letting others control you
To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough.
— Edith Eva Eger
In this blog post series, I’ll walk you through the basics of how to stand up for yourself without putting others down.
- The Assertive Mindset
- When is it ok to say no?
- When to be assertive—the 5% rule
- How to defend your personal space with soft resistance
- How to push back against a micromanaging boss
- How to push back on your boss without being a jerk
- I hate camping—how do I say no?
- Physical space dominance—How to identify it and push back
Follow The Golden Rule
Most people know the Golden Rule means to treat others the way you want to be treated. But sometimes folks get hung up on how to apply it. A person might interpret it literally: “I want someone to bring me a cold can of Diet Mountain Dew right now; therefore, I should bring a cold can of Diet Mountain Dew to everyone right now.”
But I don’t know any mindful people who operate with such a strict interpretation. Instead, they’d say, “I have some particular food and drink preferences that I want others to respect; therefore, I’ll respect others’ food and drink preferences.”
And more generally, “I want people to recognize that my values and priorities might be different from theirs; therefore, I need to recognize that their values and priorities might be different from mine.”
With that out of the way, let’s dive into applications of the Golden Rule.
Build horizontal relationships
- Want to improve your relationships? “chocolate and flowers” is not the answer!
- The veto strategy: how my wife and I make decisions
- How do I convince my wife to get a dog? (long version)
Create a stable life
- Positive action language will change your life
- Craving never stops, and my potato chip addiction
- How I “look forward and reason backward”
- How a grocery shopping list saves me time, money, and pounds
- How I reduced my anxiety by creating a home for all of my stuff
- Save money by waiting 48 hours to buy stuff
- That time my wife asked me, “Are we roommates? Or a family?”