“I don’t trust words, I even question actions, but I never doubt patterns.” — Unknown
The first time someone says something rude to you, you may brush it off. You may conclude that it’s an exception and not a pattern of behavior. But the second time they do it, and the third time, they’ve established a pattern.
Once a pattern of behavior is established, ask yourself, Is my life better with this person in it?
If yes, you might tell them how you dislike that specific behavior. But be prepared for them to feel annoyed and to not change one iota. Another option is to ignore the behavior.
If no, do your best to avoid future interactions with that person. If the person is your boss, it may be time to look for a new job. If you’re dating that person, it may be time to end the relationship.
But Stewie, people can change!
When people do things we don’t like, we often create a fantasy where. In it, we give them critical feedback and they respond positively. As a result, they repent of their sinful ways. And they publicly thank us, in a crowded stadium, with jets and fireworks, for showing them the true path to become a better human. In some cases, we write a bestselling book, become Oprah’s best friend, win the Nobel Peace Prize, and our face is put on a postage stamp.
But it’s just a fantasy and only serves to stroke our ego.
Stop feeding your ego and come back to reality. Yes, people can change. But they seldom do. And you have very little influence in the matter.
So be honest with yourself and accept that you are not going to change them. Instead, focus on the changes you need to make to handle the situation.
Be well, my friend.
CommentsHave a question or comment? Shoot me an email firstname.lastname@example.org
Get Updates Delivered To Your Inbox
Follow Stewie on Twitter
Say, "Hi!" on Twitter @StewieWrites
Subscribe to Stewie's RSS
All About Stewie
Learn random things about Stewie.
Checkout all of Stewie's recommended books.
More Great Posts
- 13 Writing Lessons From "Style: Toward Clarity And Grace"
- Craving Never Stops, And My Potato Chip Addiction
- Circles of Concern and Control
- Our Thoughts Shape Our Relationships
- No One Knows What You're Thinking
- You Need To Be Needed
- You Need Attention
- You Need Validation
- How To Validate Someone's Feelings
- Reframe The Debate: Should Amazon Pay So Little In Taxes?
- Your Negative Feelings Come From Unmet Needs
- 11 Reasons Why The Kindle App Is Better Than Physical Books
- You Are Special
- Should Writers Wait For Inspiration?
- How A Grocery Shopping List Saves Me Time, Money, and Pounds
- Sleep Deprivation Made College Miserable
- Things That Help Me Sleep
- Why I Don't Rate Books On Goodreads
- How I "Look Forward And Reason Backward"
- It's 2020 and I Feel Good! (Update On 2019)
- The Questions I Ask When Starting New Project At Work
- Here's What I Do When I Feel Stuck On A New Project
- Why I Named My Ego Taz
- How I Reduced My Anxiety By Creating A Home For All Of My Stuff
- The Taylor Principle
- How Fruitless Debates Inflame My Anxiety
- Netflix Really Wants Me To Learn Portuguese
- Mental Models That Will Help You Thrive
- How Social Media Affects My Anxiety Level
- How TV Shows Affect My Anxiety Level
- How Following Sports Affects My Anxiety Level
- How Caffeine Affects My Anxiety Level
- The Anxiety Jar - How I Think About The Intensity Of My Anxiety
- Names Matter
- You Are Responsible For Meeting Your Needs
- You Have Some Basic Needs
- Our Collective Goal Is To Work Fewer Hours, Not More
- Watch for Patterns of Behavior
- That time my wife asked me, "Are we roommates? Or a family?"
- The Grody Blender
- Which Kinds Of Halloween Candy Do You Refuse To Share?
- You Aren't Paid According to the Value you Create at Work
- Parkinson's law and Time Management
- Protect Your Autonomy
- How to Stop Making Passive-Aggressive Demands
- Save Money By Waiting 48 Hours To Buy Stuff
- Take A Monday Morning Minute And Choose Your "One Thing" For The Week
- What's The Purpose Of Your Life?
- What Every Aspiring Artist Doesn't Know But Needs To Hear
- Discipline Equals Freedom
- Stewie's Recommended Books
- How To Instantly Improve Your Relationships
- Spend 2 Hours A Day Investing In Yourself
- Why People Behave Badly
- About Stewie